Don't Go
by makesmexwonder
Summary: After everything they'd gone through, you'd think Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen would never be able to cope. But now, they can finally start to live. After the revolution through Peeta's mind.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm awake again._

_It's early in the morning. It's been months since the war has ended; since I've come home to the quiet house in Victor's Village. There's no one for me to share anything with anymore; my parents, my brothers, my friends-they're all dead. Most of them, anyway. They either didn't listen to Gale or didn't have enough time._

_I loved my family. My mom was...rough, but she was still my mother. She could be tender at times. My brothers were goofs. They were older than me; Finn was eighteen when I first got into the games. When I came home, he told me he should've volunteered for me, just like what Katniss did for Prim. I'm glad he didn't, because then I wouldn't have gotten to be with Katniss. I couldn't have made sure she lived. My dad was the closest to me; he understood how I felt about Katniss. I guess it was almost like him reliving his dream through me. I knew he loved Mrs. Everdeen. Perhaps all along he was encouraging me to talk to Katniss._

_But they're gone. Just like the bakery, they're all dead._

_I have no one to share this house with. I have no family. Former inhabitants of the district are coming back to start things over; Haymitch is helping lead the new initiative. They're taking the ashes and piling them over, trying to make fields and recreate our sad world. It's working._

_I've hardly seen Katniss leave her house. Greasy Sae is trying to help her out, but even she says she hardly talks. Katniss hasn't spoken to me since I planted those primroses in her garden. I figured she wanted something to remember Prim._

_I even forgot; I'm eighteen now._

_I remember the birthday charts at school. I'm three months older than Katniss. She never really celebrated her birthday, but I always remembered bringing cookies to class. She'd eat it slowly, relishing it._

_I remember everything about her. I want to help her. I wish I knew-_

_Hey, look at that. She left her house. I saw her go out the front door. Her hair is in a messy braid. She's wearing her hunting boots. She's got a bow and arrow; Katniss is heading to the woods._

_Maybe she's made some progress. Maybe I can make progress now too. But I've got to remember what Haymitch told me-Katniss isn't my life. I need to start moving along, moving forward, even if she isn't ready. I need to live._

_But he doesn't seem to understand that after everything we've been through, I need her too._

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

"Peeta!"

I turned around. I was carrying a basket of bread I'd just baked to bring to Sae. She was experimenting again with new dishes. I was glad to help. Things were really moving along now in the square; they were rebuilding. Sae had a new restaurant and I was working towards rebuilding the bakery. The destruction and bodies were gone; it was starting to look…alive again.

It was Delly who called me. She was looking healthier, if not more muscular from all the work she'd been doing. She wasn't plump as she used to be. I smiled at her and she gave a courteous smile before going on.

"I've been working at the medicine factory all day, helping out." She said breathlessly.

"Oh?" I asked nonchalantly. I wasn't really in the mood for small talk; I was looking for Sae so I could get home before Katniss did. Perhaps I could see her. Maybe we could talk.

Delly nodded eagerly. "We were all heading out for lunch when we saw her. She was just sitting in the road, gasping. We brought her to Sae's to get some food into her, but she's just not talking." Delly said quickly.

"Who?" I asked, even though I knew it. Dread filled my heart.

"Katniss." She breathed.

Without anything else said, I grasped the basket of bread and ran to Sae's newly constructed restaurant. I walked in and saw Sae leaning over the counter, quietly talking to Katniss. Katniss was staring over a bowl of soup without a word. Delly's friends (who went to school with us and knew Katniss) sat in the other corner, eating quietly. When they saw me, they nodded.

"I told you to get Haymitch." Sae said to Delly.

Delly shrugged. "I ran into Peeta first. I thought he'd be more…beneficial."

My heart hurt a bit at that. She wanted to see Haymitch over me?

Delly turned to me reassuringly. "Haymitch is the only one she talks to, other than Sae. She really hasn't talked since Gale came back to say goodbye."

I remember that day. Gale, in his fancy District Two military clothes, knocked on her door. He hugged her and they spoke. I saw the hurt in her eyes. He shrugged, kissed her forehead, and left.

She hadn't spoken to anyone other than her source of food and her mentor since.

I walked over to the counter and lightly placed my hands on her shoulders. I knew it comforted her. Katniss shuddered lightly under my touch, but her head hung lower. She pushed the soup of from her face and looked up to Sae.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not hungry. It was lovely though." Katniss said. "I just want to go home."

I took that as my queue. I wordlessly handed the basket of bread to Sae and took Katniss by the hand. Her small hand wrapped around mind, callused and cold. I knew I would be disappointed the second I brought her back to the Victor's Village, but I didn't care. I was going to keep her safe; that was my promise.

Even if I was going to hurt myself in the end, I would stay to my word.

We walked hand in hand back to our houses. Hers was across the street from mine; Haymitch was down farther. She didn't say anything, but stopped in front of her door. She seemed afraid to pass the primroses.

"We can go to my house, if you want." I murmured, pulling her across the street. My house was more maintained; I'd put more time into it than Katniss had. It was generally spotless and my paintings hung all over. I'd made the dining room into my own studio; I didn't have much use for it. I usually sat in the living room when I ate, watching Capitol updates. Plutarch and President Paylor were really working hard to get the nation back together.

Katniss took a seat at the kitchen table and I went over to pull out some bread and butter. She hadn't eaten and I knew she would be hungry. She slowly took the food and ate. I handed her a glass of water and leaned against the counter, watching her.

"I was in the woods." Katniss said quietly. "I stepped on a branch…and I remembered things…from the games."

I winced. I didn't like thinking about it.

"I just couldn't react. My body was frozen." She whispered.

I knew exactly how to comfort her. We used to do it all the time. In truth, it would comfort me too. My bed had felt empty all these months; I felt like a part of me was missing. I couldn't trust myself though; I still succumbed to the effects of being hijacked sometimes. But I was going to take a chance tonight.

"Come with me." I whispered back. I took her hand and she groaned, knowing what was going to happen. I ignored her; either way, she was staying.

"I'm dirty." Katniss argued.

"I'll lend you clothes." I replied back.

"It's the middle of the day." She pointed out.

"No one said you couldn't take a nap." I offered. She was defeated. Before long, she was wearing a large shirt and a pair of my boxers. As she wordlessly sat in the sheets, I pulled her hair out of the braid. Her dark waves fell down her back. Katniss fell against the sheets, and I curled up next to her, wrapping her in my arms.

A while later, I stirred. I noticed the emptiness in my arms and panicked. Where had she gone?

I quickly made my way down to the kitchen where I saw her, looking at the food I had prepared. She was still wearing my shirt, but her hair was back in its braid.

"What was the occasion?" she asked, a gentle smirk on her face.

I scratched my head, not wanting to make anything awkward. "It was my birthday earlier this week." I muttered.

Katniss's face turned red. "Oh, Peeta, I…I'm sorry I didn't remember." She blurted.

I shook her off. "It's okay. I didn't celebrate. I just gorged on food." I joked.

Katniss shook her head. "I should've remembered. We were engaged once." She said a weak smile on her face.

I chuckled and approached her. "I think that didn't count."

Katniss shrugged and started rummaging around in the drawers. "We need to find a candle." She pronounced. "We're going to celebrate your eighteenth birthday."

I blushed. "It's nothing, Katniss. Don't worry about it."

Katniss shook her head. "No, we're celebrating."

After a hasty blow of a candle stuck in a muffin, we sat down to food. Katniss chewed slowly, thinking.

"If your birthday was earlier this week…that means…" she trailed off.

"Your birthday is in three months." I replied shyly. I didn't want it to seem like I was counting down the days or anything.

Katniss nodded and looked down. "Funny how we get older and everyone else was so young." She said tearfully.

This was not the Katniss I knew. She never cried. The only time she'd ever cried was when Prim died. Other than that, she didn't show her emotions. She was a good actress though. She'd fooled me.

"Don't talk like that." I said firmly. "Everything will be okay."

Katniss gave me a steely glance. Those gray eyes pierced me through.

"How do you know?"


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews, guys (: I originally had this story posted on Mibba, but there really isn't a THG audience there, so I decided to put it up here. Thanks for reading and keep reviewing!

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

I was walking across the street to Katniss's house. It had been days since she'd slept in my bed and we'd talked for the first time in months. After dinner, she went home to sleep in her own home. Ever since then, I'd come by every day, dropping off bits of food for her. She looked so thin, I couldn't stand it.

"Hey, kid."

I turned my head and saw a sober face. It was Haymitch, looking rather clean.

"Hey." I said, offering a smile. "I was just dropping off food for Katniss." I said, nodding my head into the direction of her house.

Haymitch nodded and smiled wryly. "She's still a piece of work. Can't function in front of others very well, that one; I'll be surprised if she can still talk."

I shrugged. "She talked to me."

Haymitch gave her an odd glance. "When did you talk?" he asked curiously.

I gave him the details and he sighed softly. "I know you think things are going to be okay. I know you want her still, but you need to be completely in control. You don't want to hurt her, do you?"

I was almost offended. "I am in control!"

Haymitch gave me a look. "Don't deny it; I've seen you freeze up. I've seen you gripping a chair once or twice. You still see it. I still see it. She'll still see it. Be patient with her, please."

I nod as he walks off. As much as Haymitch would like to deny it, he cares about Katniss more than he wants to admit it. He sees himself in her and wants to protect her just as much as I want to as well. He loves her like a daughter, and he cared about her more in the games than he ever cared about me.

The door slowly opened when I knocked. I saw her slight smile. "Hi." She said quietly, letting me in. Her house was dark. It wasn't messy, but it just seemed as if things were untouched.

Katniss and I sat in the kitchen. She hadn't done anything that day, so I told her how I'd gone around the square and visited the medicine shop. I hadn't told her about my new bakery yet; it still had to be built.

"Katniss…I don't like you being alone here." I said gently.

Katniss shrugged. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

I sighed. I knew this would burn me later on, but I decided it was the best idea. "You could always live with me, you know."

Katniss's eyes lit up and she looked at me. "Really?" she asked her voice hoarse. "Why would you want me?"

I blushed. "Katniss, you're the only person in the world who knows exactly what I've gone through. You're family now." I blurted.

Katniss walked over to me and buried her face into my shoulder. It was one of the very few times she'd ever shown weakness of some sort to me.

"Thank you, Peeta." She whispered.

I brushed her hair. "No problem, Katniss."

The next day we began the moving process. There really wasn't a lot to be moved except for the copious amounts of clothes Cinna had created for Katniss before his death. Katniss and I moved box after box of luxurious dresses and outfits. Most of them she never wore. Katniss preferred to wear just pants and shirts along with her trusty hunting boots.

I brought the boxes into the room next to mine; there was a door that attached it to my bathroom. We could go in and out at our own leisure. I helped Katniss fill her wardrobe and drawers with her very few belongings.

Before nightfall, the old Everdeen house was empty and mine was fuller than it had ever been.

Katniss and I went downstairs for dinner. I had cooked up a chicken for us; I figured it would make a nice housewarming dinner. She sat down across from me, a sly smile on her face. Her eyes were slightly warmer as well.

This was the Katniss I knew and loved.

"So, we're housemates now I guess." Katniss said, grinning.

I smiled back at her. "Yeah, we're housemates now. You'll have to get used to my snoring." I teased.

Katniss chuckled. "I doubt that's the least of my worries."

We ate the bird in silence. We didn't know what to talk about now, ever since the games had finished. We hadn't been up to much at all.

Katniss stood up and looked at my paintings. "They're lovely, you know." She commented. "The ones that aren't of the war…they're really nice."

I nodded, looking at painting. It was of me and my brothers, running around in the shop. My dad was watching us, laughing. Mom even had a smile.

"Thanks." I whispered.

Katniss turned to another painting of the two of us in the arena. We were in the cave; it was one of the tender moments during the games.

"You have a phenomenal memory." She said, brushing her hand against the canvas. "You'll have to teach me."

I grinned and nodded at my studio. "It's therapeutic, you know. It really helps with the memories." I mentioned.

However, that seems to have struck an awful chord in her. Her face paled and she looked down. "I'm very tired…maybe I'll go to sleep now." She said awkwardly. I nodded and we started washing the dishes quietly. It was almost a little routine, like we'd been living together for a long time. When the dishes were dried and put away, she silently retired to her room for the night. Sighing, I knew I screwed things up.

But why was I always the one screwing up? Why was I the only one making mistakes? It was frustrating to be the only one in this so called relationship trying to possibly make things work.

After a long time I went upstairs too. Katniss's door was shut. I limped over to the door, hoping my prosthetic wouldn't creak against the hard wood floors. Pressing my ear to the door, I heard a whimpering cry.

And I hated myself for not being able to protect her.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note-Thanks for all the favorites and reviews(: I decided to update again, just for you guys. Thanks for reading and keep reviewing!

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

The next morning I woke up early. I was baking bread as usual, but this time I put in more spices. I wanted to impress her with hot chocolate and delicious breakfast; hopefully it would make up for the nightmares she had.

Katniss came down the stairs in a t-shirt and pajamas. Her hair was in a tidy braid and her gray eyes swept from the loaves on the table to the mugs.

"Morning." I said cheerfully.

"Good morning." She said curiously. Katniss sat down across from me and I handed her a slice with butter spread on it.

"Try it; I just baked it." I urged. I smiled when she took a bite and her eyes fluttered.

"It's perfect." She mouthed through bites, smiling.

"How was your sleep? You look tired." I commented blatantly. She had dark circles under her eyes, and they were bloodshot as if she'd been crying. In fact, a lot of the time her eyes were bloodshot.

Katniss shrugged. "Great." She said, lying through her teeth. "It was lovely."

There she goes, trying to be a strong alpha. She's always defending herself, never letting anyone see inside of her. That's just how Katniss is; she's been hurt too many times to trust anyone. She's lost too much to give anything a chance.

"I know you're lying." I said coolly.

Katniss froze, knowing her ruse was up. "Just a nightmare, that's all." She snapped. When she saw the look on my face, she immediately regretted it. "Don't worry about it, Peeta. It's fine."

I knew she was having flashbacks. I had them all the time. I couldn't even count the number of times I gripped the back of that chair or ripped a pillow in anger. Sometimes I forgot that I loved Katniss. Sometimes I wanted to hurt her…

But I shook that off. I wanted to help her. I love her.

"They get worse later in the night, don't they?" I asked.

Katniss froze and stared at me. "Excuse me?"

I bit my lip. "The flashbacks get more vivid at night."

Katniss turned red. "Yeah." She whispered, mortified.

I nodded and started putting away ingredients. "I heard you last night." I mused. "I know, Katniss. You don't have to hide everything from me, you know. I've gone through just as much as you have." I said, almost snapping at her. I wouldn't say I wasn't annoyed. It seemed like Katniss always made it as if she were the only one suffering.

Katniss sighed, knowing she couldn't run from me now that she lived with me. "Do they get any better?" she whispered.

I nodded. "They do. A lot of the time, I just remind myself that it's okay now. I'm not in danger. They can't hurt me anymore…they can't take away anything else." I said. "I have nothing else to lose."

That was a blatant lie. The only thing I had left was Katniss, and if she ever left…well, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. The only way I could ever live without her would be if I knew she was safe with Gale. God knows I wouldn't let that ever happen, and neither would she. As much as she loved Gale, she would never forget that his bomb theoretically killed her sister.

Katniss nodded slowly. "Nothing else to lose." She echoed. "That's true." She laughed bitterly.

I awkwardly took a sip of my coffee, not knowing what to say. "Have you talked to Gale lately?" I blurted.

Oh great. That just made everything more awkward.

Katniss turned red. "No, actually. I do hear stuff from Sae though. She gets letters from him. She said he's doing well, working a lot. He actually has friends up in District 2 now." She said slowly. "He's changed a lot since he left five months ago."

I remember that day. I talked to him before he left. I saw him, that morning. He was on Katniss's porch, saying goodbye. She was hurt, but she still nodded and hugged him goodbye. Later in the day, I ran into him before he boarded the train to District 2.

_"Hey, Gale, wait up." I called out, running up to him. He turned around, a weird look distorting his face as he threw his bags to the ground. They must've been left over clothes. He'd been going to District 2 back and forth, bringing his things._

_"Yeah, Peeta?" He asked gruffly._

_"You're destroying her, you know." I said gingerly. "She needs you."_

_Gale let out a soft whistle and gave me a sad look. "You're wrong there, Bread Boy. It's someone else she needs. I'm not good for her. Maybe…maybe we could've had something, but if it weren't for her caring about you, we wouldn't have this mess, would we?" he said._

_I tilted my head. "What are you talking about?" I asked, confused._

_Gale patted my shoulder in an almost brotherly fashion. "Take care of her for me, will you? I love her; I always will. But…we're just not right for each other." He said, shaking his head. "Always take care of her, no matter what. I know you will. You already always have."_

_I nodded as Gale boarded the train. "I will."_

"Maybe he'll come back and visit sometime." I said, stabbing at a piece of bread.

Katniss nodded. "I'd like to see how much he's changed. Maybe we could go visit him up at District 2. We could stop and see my mom too." She mentioned.

That's when I looked up. "We?" I asked slowly.

Katniss blushed. "Well, I figured you'd want to come along. It'd be nice to have a friend to travel with. I don't do very well travelling the districts on my own." She cringed.

I smiled. "When do you want to go?" I asked. "We can leave whenever."

Katniss smiled warmly. "We can go tomorrow, if you want to." she said shyly. "Maybe we can visit Johanna and Annie too. I'm sure they'd like that."

My heart started beating faster when she said that. Finally, I could get Katniss out and socializing with other people.

When Katniss fell asleep, I decided to visit Haymitch. The latest Capitol train was weeks away, and Haymitch was probably dry of alcohol now. The squawks of geese were evident of that; Haymitch was actually trying to care for them.

"Hey kid." He said gruffly. He was wearing semi-clean clothes and spreading out seed. "What are you doing up so late?"

I chuckled; sometimes Haymitch forgot we were just as much of an adult as he was. "I wanted to run something by you."

Haymitch stood still and turned to me, a sick twisted look on his face. "Planning on professing your love again?" he joked.

I turned red. "No…Katniss wants to get away."

Haymitch stared at me and snorted. "Well, that's something. That girl is always retreating in."

I sighed. "She wants to go visit District 2 to see Gale, District 4 to see her mother and Annie, and possibly District 7 to see Johanna."

Haymitch snorted again. "No use going to District 7; Johanna's with Gale in 2."

I tilted my head. "What is she doing up there?" I asked curiously.

Haymitch shrugged. "Paylor asked her to join up as a commanding officer. She's training troops up there. Probably running those kids through hell, that little nut." He said, amused. "Last letter I got from her, she and Gale were becoming friends. It's the first time I've seen her happy to see anyone, ever. Hawthorne is wise beyond his years, and once you get past that anger in him, he's just like her-a lonely, smart kid."

I bit my lip; it made sense. Besides, Gale was a good looking guy, and Johanna definitely had qualities in her face…

"You don't think they'd like each other, would you?" I asked curiously.

Haymitch shrugged. "Wouldn't doubt it, now that he's given up on Katniss."

"Why do you think he's given up on Katniss?" I asked.

Haymitch rolled his eyes. "Are you seriously that stupid, kid? What's with all the questions? There's obviously only one guy Katniss can live with. If he were ever to disappear, she'd be done for. That kid is you."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Again, thanks for all the favorites and reviews guys! Tell me more what you think(:

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

I came back from Haymitch's completely mortified. I can't believe he'd said that. Sure, Katniss and I had that whole couple ruse going, but that was ruined. I was just the second choice. She could've had whatever she wanted; Katniss is a pretty girl. With some meat on her bones and a smile on her face, she's gorgeous. But she's always been beautiful to me either way.

When I get back home, I hear the tub running upstairs. Katniss is supposed to be sleeping. Worried, I went upstairs and pressed my ear against the door; there was a faint sobbing. Not even embarrassed, I opened the door to the bathroom and saw her there.

Katniss was sitting in the tub, legs pulled to her chest. She leaned her head against her knees and tears streamed down her face. There was no response as I approached the tub. We were so familiar with each other's bodies now, it wasn't even embarrassing. Sitting on the edge, I started combing through Katniss's knotty hair. Before long, I just took a cup from the sink and started pouring water over her hair gently. She shivered as I ran my hands through the cold water.

Katniss seemed to be healing nicely. Her skin had taken well to the grafts and was now the same olive color. The bumpy scars had evened out from treatments, just like mine. Her hair was growing back slowly though; even my eyebrows had grown back within the nine months since the revolution, some parts of Katniss's hair were extremely long; other chunks were short, just touching her shoulders.

"I'm hideous." She muttered. It was the first time I'd ever heard her say something about her appearance.

"You're still pretty." I commented lightly. I ran another hand through her hair.

"I want to do something about it. I feel gross." She said, tugging at one of the longer locks.

"We can always get it cut. I'm sure Venia, Flavius, and Octavia would love to get their hands on your hair." I murmured.

Katniss turned to me. "You think we can stop there? Just for a day? I don't want to stay long." She said miserably.

I nodded. "Sure. Did you pack things yet? I was about to call Gale in the morning." I said.

Katniss nodded, and slowly came to her senses. She turned red and pulled her knees up to her chest again. "I'm naked." She muttered.

I chuckled. "It's nothing I haven't seen before." I joked. She turned red and hid her smile. It was one of our fonder memories, a moment of embarrassment between the two of us. During the Victory Tour I was so used to just walking into Katniss's room unannounced, I did so one day to walk in on her changing.

From that day on, I always knocked.

Katniss stood up to take a towel; respectfully I turned around and faced the door. Once I knew she was covered up, I turned back to her. She'd pushed her dark hair behind her shoulders.

"You know, once you cut it, you won't be able to braid it for a while." I reminded her.

Katniss nodded, tugging at her hair again. A clump came out and she winced. "I think it's about time for a change, don't you?"

This was a new development. Katniss usually wasn't one for change.

"Yeah, change is good." I said.

That night, I went to bed with a heavy feeling. I looked at the bags packed over by the door; there were just enough clothes for a week or two if we decided to stay in District 4 longer than we originally planned. Besides, I wanted to see Annie. Who would have known Annie was pregnant before Finnick died? Months after the revolution, Annie gave birth to a son named Ronan. He was tiny and adorable. I feel weird for saying it, but seeing Annie's baby made me want to have kids someday. When I was younger I always dreamed of marrying Katniss and having kids, but I knew she didn't want them. Besides, we weren't in a relationship now. Plus, who else would take the tortured victor? No one would; the chances at children for me were pretty bleak.

But hey, I'm eighteen. I still have plenty of time.

I realized I hadn't called Gale yet. Creeping downstairs, I realized it was probably extremely early in the morning. The sky was just turning a pale shade of pink and orange. Quickly, I grabbed the phone and dialed the number.

"Hello?" answered a sleepy sounding Gale.

"Uh, hi Gale…it's Peeta." I said. Gale and I had never really been friends. We'd been nice to each other during the rebellion, but that was the extent of our relationship. There was never any hate between us I guess. It was just never friendship.

"Peeta…is she okay? What's wrong?" he asked.

I winced. Of course he'd only think I'd call if Katniss was hurt or sick. "No, Gale, she's fine. She just wants to see you. We're going to the Capitol tomorrow. Is it okay if we stopped by for a couple days?" I asked.

Gale's breathing softened. "She wants to see me? Why?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, it's probably not because you guys were good friends or anything." I said sarcastically.

Gale chuckled. "Sorry, I just…I didn't think she was really talking to anyone. You guys can stay over. Just a warning, Jo might be annoying."

My ears perked. "Jo? You mean Johanna?"

Gale coughed. "Uh, yeah, Johanna lives with me. When they asked her to come work on the base, they didn't have any open apartments and her doctors didn't want her living alone…so I offered her one of my rooms." He said quickly. "You and Katniss will have to share a room though."

I blushed. "Uh, that's okay."

Gale breathed slowly now. "So I'll be seeing you two in the next few days?"

"Yeah, in a few. See you then, Gale." I said before quickly hanging up the phone.

The next morning Katniss and I got on a train direct to the Capitol. It would take a day and a night to get there, and the last spot on the train available was one room-awkward. The small room on the train brought back so many memories, some we didn't want to recall. As I sat on the bed, I remembered sneaking into the room to hold Katniss in her sleep. I'd watch her just lie there, breathing heavily, as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders.

"So I guess we're sharing?" Katniss asked.

That burst my bubble. I blushed and stood up. "I can sleep on the floor." I burst out.

Katniss sighed. "No, that's not fair. Plus, the floor is cold. We can share; it's no big deal." She shrugged.

Awkwardly, I climbed into bed with her. This was different than any other time we'd slept next to each other; we weren't in danger of losing our lives the last time we slept like this. We both stared up at the ceiling as the faint rush of the train took over the silence.

"Can you sleep?" Katniss asked.

I shook my head against the pillow. "No, not really."

Katniss turned on her side and faced me. "I'm scared to go to the Capitol. Everyone still judges me." She confessed.

I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "No they don't. You're too hard on yourself, Katniss." I argued. "They'll understand."

Katniss chuckled bitterly. "That's the thing about you; you always seem to turn my flaws into the greatest thing in the world."

I smiled weakly. "Only because you were there when I was flawed."

Katniss's face softened. "Yeah."

I didn't mean for the words of the movement to be so intimate, but somehow we ended up holding hands. It wasn't romantic or anything; it was just like a reassurance that the other would be there in the morning.

With Katniss, that was all I could ever ask for.

Before long, Katniss fell asleep. She lightly hummed as I watched her. I found myself drifting off as well, and I squeezed her hand. It was probably well into the early hours by the time I'd fallen asleep. We'd be at the Capitol in a few hours most likely.

I didn't want to believe what Katniss said. She was the mockingjay. Everyone loved her, right? There was a reason they took her instead of me. But after everything that happened almost a year ago, I can't be so sure.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note-Ahhh, thanks for all the subs and reviews guys! here's another chapter for you(:

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

It was ten o'clock when the train stopped. We packed up our things and made our way out onto the platform. For a city recovering from a major bomb attack just a year ago, the Capitol was looking good. Stores were reopened and citizens walked around free. People were looking more…normal. The fashion of the capitol was less extravagant now in frugal times, but to me, these people had never looked better.

Katniss's eyes shifted to the ground when people started staring. I could hear the crowd whispering "Katniss Everdeen" and "back in the capitol". I heard my name a couple times, but I put a protective arm around Katniss and shifted our bags.

"They're talking about me." Katniss muttered.

"Don't worry about it." I said roughly, pulling her through the crowd. "Let's just find Effie, okay?"

I'd called Effie Trinket as soon as Katniss announced her plan to visit the capitol. Effie eagerly agreed to let us stay with her, so long as she and her stylists got a hold on her. They knew I was able to maintain myself, but they weren't so sure about Katniss. With her staggered hair and dark circles, I knew they were right.

And there she was, in all her glory. The woman looked less harsh than she did before the Games; her hair was a soft pink, slowly fading. Her pure white skin was naturally colored now, and we could obviously tell her age. Nonetheless, she'd regained her perkiness; Plutarch had hired her to host TV programs.

"Katniss, Peeta, how glad am I to see you!" she said eagerly. She tried to smile at Katniss, but it came out as a horrified look. "I'm so glad your stylists are waiting back my place." She said, feigning disgust. I only tightened my grip on her shoulder.

Effie led us to her apartment. It was large and spacious; many people living in the capitol had moved out to the Districts in efforts to rebuild. Effie's apartment was lavish, but you could tell the lack of human presence in the place. It wasn't until I saw the three stylists that I released my grip on Katniss. She was safe with them. After quick chatter, they disappeared with her into a room.

Effie sat me down to some coffee. I'd grown to appreciate it. She sat across from me, smirking. Things were quiet before she started bringing up sore subjects. At first, we just discussed the development in the Districts and Capitol, and then her TV shows. Before I could say a thing, she dropped the bomb. "So, are you and Katniss still together?"

I rolled my eyes. "We were never together, really."

Effie scoffed. "Peeta, we all can tell you both adore each other. Why waste time?"

I nearly choked on my coffee. "We don't have time to waste anymore." I snapped. "We have all the time in the world. She's still recovering, Effie, and so am I."

Effie shrugged it off. She never took my attitude very seriously. "You'd make very lovely children."

I turned red. "We're only eighteen!" I blurted.

Effie smiled. "Of course, it would take time, dear. We wouldn't want to bring up children so soon in this time. I'd say wait a year or two. Twenty is a lovely age to start settling down." She advised.

Before I could respond, the door Katniss had disappeared into opened. Had it really been that long? Octavia, Venia, and Flavius came out smiling.

"We have the new and improved Katniss Everdeen." Venia said in a bubbly voice.

I stood up when I saw her. She was scrubbed down, skin pink from the bath. She glistened with a faint glow. She crossed her legs, obviously not used to the lack of hair-I can't say I didn't mind that. Most of her scars were magically faded. There was no makeup; her thick fringes of lashes were untouched. Her cheeks were flushed from embarrassment, and her lips wet from her licking them all the time. The biggest difference was the hair. The messy braid she'd worn coming in was gone; it was now straight and shoulder length.

"Bad?" Katniss asked, biting her lip.

I smiled weakly. "No, you look good. Amazing, really."

Effie squealed and pulled Katniss over. Katniss tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace while Effie fluffed her hair. She wasn't used to it, obviously.

"You look lovely, Katniss. You and Peeta both do. Thank goodness Peeta still takes care of himself." Effie squealed. I clenched my fist and pretended to smile.

"Well, I'm sure Katniss is exhausted. Do you want to take a nap?" I asked her. I felt like her babysitter, but I really was concerned. She looked overwhelmed.

Katniss nodded lightly and blinked. "Yeah, I'm a bit tired out." She said. "Effie, where are we sleeping?"

Effie smiled eagerly. "Oh, your room is around the corner, third door." She winked.

Without another word, I pulled Katniss into the room. Our bags were propped up in the corner; we didn't bother unpacking because we'd only be staying the night. Katniss fell onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Wordlessly, she patted the spot next to her.

I sat down and eventually slid down to lie next to her. I raked my fingers through her hair, fanned out on the bedspread.

"It's short." She commented.

I nodded as I touched it again; it was smoother, silkier, less frizzy; the uneven ends were cut and all knots were gone. "It'll be a while before you can braid it again."

"I like it though." Katniss said, looking up at me. "It's different."

Katniss's voice started to drift off as she curled up into a little ball. "We're different now. Real or not real?"

I was a bit shocked by the resurrection of the old game. They'd used it to rehabilitate me, and I wasn't used to hearing those words as of lately. Still, I replied.

"Real."

When I was sure Katniss was sleeping, I quietly left the room and saw Venia, Octavia, Flavius, and Effie sitting around the living room and talking. When I cleared my throat, Venia smiled.

"Hey Peeta." She said, effortlessly bubblier than the last time I'd seen her. In fact, all the stylists looked much better. They had meat on their bones again and their faces were fuller.

"Hi." I said, lacking any other words. "She's sleeping."

Flavius nodded. "She looked overwhelmed while we were fixing her up. She kept asking for you."

I tilted my head. "Why?"

Octavia shrugged. "She said you comfort her. When she gets scared, she immediately goes to you."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's how we've been living for the past few weeks." I uttered.

"You live together now? That's what she told us." Venia said softly. "Are you two together?"

My face flushed. "No, we aren't together. We're just helping each other through. Why does everyone ask that?"

Effie scoffed. "You can't blame us for asking, Peeta. You two have such chemistry…it's like you two belong together."

I shrugged. "It just is what it is, Effie. No matter what she chooses, I'm going to stick around and take care of her. I think we both need a break from this love business right now. Healing is more important."

Dinner was quiet. Venia, Flavius, and Octavia left. Effie wandered off into her own little world after preparing a small meal; I grabbed two bowls of soup and some bread to bring back to our room. Opening the door, I saw Katniss propped up on the bed, staring at the door. When she saw me, she gave a weird half smile.

"I'm glad to see you. Is that our dinner?" she asked.

I nodded and walked over to the bed, handing her a bowl. I set the plate of bread on the bedside table and sat next to her with my own. "Effie's in her own little world now. I'm a bit worried about her living here on her own."

Katniss sighed and shrugged. "I'm just glad we're out of District Twelve. It's refreshing being somewhere else other than the town or the woods."

"Did you tell them we were living together?" I asked curiously.

Katniss turned red. "Yeah…I hope you don't mind. It just came out." She admitted.

I shrugged. "It makes no difference to me."

Katniss nodded. "So, we'll be on our way to District 2 in a few hours…shouldn't take more than five hours to get there, right?"

I nodded. "And Gale will be waiting there for us. I already called him."

Katniss's breathing slowed. "Okay, good. I can't wait to see him." She said.

A part of me was hurt inside; she still cared about him. Maybe Haymitch was wrong. Maybe she didn't need me. Maybe I was just accompanying her on her way to District 2, only for her to stay there with him.

"I want to see that he's happy." Katniss interjected.

"That he's happy?" I repeated.

Katniss nodded. "It's been bugging me for a long time. The last time we spoke, he seemed so hurt. I just want to make sure he's okay now."

This was new from Katniss. "Why?" I asked quietly.

Katniss shuddered slightly. "I've seen too many people I love die." She whispered. "I don't want to live without knowing the people I care about are okay now."

That was holding her back; the overriding guilt of not expressing her feelings before the deaths of her many loved ones. She couldn't put into words how much she wanted to see Rue, Prim, her dad, Finnick, and everyone else. But I could tell, because I wanted the same thing.

"Go to sleep, Katniss." I murmured. We set our bowls aside and curled under the covers. Instead of the awkward separation in bed, we were next to each other, holding hands. It felt more comfortable; there was less tension. Without even thinking, I reached over and kissed the top of her hair.

"Good night, Katniss." I muttered.

She sighed slowly. "Good night, Peeta."


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note-again, thanks for all the reviews and subs! I'm going to be out of town for a while so no updates for a while ):

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><p>Chapter 6<p>

Effie insisted we eat brunch with her, but we declined the invitation. Katniss was so eager to see Gale that we caught an earlier train than the one we'd expected. Still, Gale was at the gate waiting for us when we arrived, as if he'd known we'd be there.

He definitely looked different. In the five months since I'd seen him, I didn't know that it was possible for him to put on more weight and muscle. He was bulkier than before and hardly looked twenty at all. He could pass for at least twenty eight with his dark facial hair. Other than that, he wore a distinct gray uniform with pins and medals on it. In his wide stance he showed off his shiny boots; he also held a gray cap behind his back.

"Hey, Catnip." He grinned, taking her into a hug. I smiled watching Katniss wrap her arms around her best friend. I looked into Gale's eyes; at first, I saw a cloud of memories cover his vision, but he shook his head and pulled away. "You look good." He said, tugging a lock of her hair. "Good to see Bread Boy has been taking care of you."

I chuckled slightly. "Always good to see you, Gale." We shook hands and linked eyes for a little bit. In his there was a flash of regret and worry, but I ignored it.

"Well, come on; I've got lunch on the table at home." He said gruffly, picking up Katniss's bag. He offered to carry mine, but I shook my head and picked it up myself. He offered Katniss his hand, but she ignored it and went by my side. Even though I knew there were no feelings between them anymore, I still felt good about that one.

Gale lived in a large complex; his place was on the top floor. It was huge; I guess that's what you get for being a high ranking officer. Immediately I saw the pictures of his family, still living in District 12. There was also a newer one, obviously from when his family visited Gale; Rory was now fourteen and resembling his brother more and more every day. Vick still had a boyish pudgy face, and Posy was still tiny. Hazelle looked a little less stressed.

Gale saw me looking at the pictures. "Rory's going to come up soon. He wants to start training."

"Isn't he a bit young?" Katniss asked, frowning.

Gale shrugged. "He wants to go into military school. I won't stop him."

We walked further down and got into the kitchen. It was all metallic and shiny. A bowl of fruit sat in the middle of the table; it was clean. In fact, it was way too clean for just a guy living on his own…

And then I remembered Johanna. Wasn't she living here?

"You clean up nice, Gale." Katniss said, sitting at the table, poking at a banana. "What's with the décor?"

Gale turned red. "Uh, about that…"

I heard the voice I hadn't heard in a while and froze. She'd been a cellmate to me. She was my only link to life. When I felt so close to death, she'd whisper those words I needed to hear so much…

_My head leaned against the cold wall. It was thin, and I felt as if I could hear her deep breaths through the paste. I coughed blood for the tenth time; that was it. I was close to death. Katniss, I thought. I couldn't protect you._

_They were trying to cloud my vision, but I wasn't taking it. I knew they were going to just strap me down eventually, but the torture would last until I gave out. Part of me just wanted to die before I could think badly of her. I could never think that way about Katniss. I loved her too much._

_"Don't you give up on me now, Peeta." A voice wheezed._

_I pressed my face against the wall. "I can't do it." I croaked._

_"Where's the victor now, Peeta? You have something to live for. Live for her." She scratched out._

_I gasped inwardly. "Who?"_

_Her voice wheezed again. "Katniss…live for Katniss…"_

Her hair was longer now; it was in a bob that stopped at her chin. She effortlessly walked into the kitchen and leaned against the metal wall, a smile on her face.

"Well, look who it is." Johanna Mason said triumphantly.

Katniss's jaw dropped. "Johanna? What are you doing here?"

Johanna slipped into the seat next to Katniss. "No one told you? I live with Gale." She said. Johanna picked up an apple and looked to me, nodding. "Hey Peet; you look better."

I nodded at her and smiled; something seemed so good about her. The Johanna we'd known was sullen and angry. This Johanna was smiling and filled with life. Part of me felt that it had to be because she had something to live for. It was obviously Gale, who she eyed curiously.

"You too, Jo. Your hair looks good." I commented politely. My eyes flickered towards Gale, who curled his hand into a fist.

Maybe she wasn't the only one with feelings then.

"So, you've come to visit me?" Johanna asked, grinning. Somewhere deep down I knew she and Katniss had become good friends. Katniss grinned slightly and leaned towards her, nudging her slightly.

"Not at all." Katniss joked.

"You've come to help plan the anniversary then, haven't you?" Johanna asked, taking a bite. "I can't believe it's coming up so quickly. Nine months, wow." She whispered.

My head tilted. "Anniversary? What anniversary are we planning?" I asked. I knew what anniversary it was, but I didn't know why it was being celebrated.

Gale coughed slightly. "Yeah, I was supposed to talk about that with you, Peeta." He said gruffly. "Plutarch wants a televised tour of the newly reconstructed districts, just to install some hope within the people. You know, he wants everyone to see that we're coming along. At the end he wants a huge Victory ball." The words sounded wrong coming out of Gale's mouth.

"What does he want me to do about it?" I asked.

Gale shrugged. "We'll go ask him. He's in the main control building in the center of town." he said. "Come on, we'll go see him."

I was so used to just walking places, but Gale had a hovercraft to take us to the main control building. Inside, it was like a huge studio; I knew this was where they would shoot propos. A sick knot twisted in my stomach.

Plutarch stood at the base of the stage; a set was being arranged. It looked like a cozy room with a fireplace and chairs, but it was out of place in the dark studio. Plutarch turned and smiled.

"How did I know you'd be here?"


End file.
